Sewing

I made a quick shirt this weekend and am very excited to see my sister-friend try it on. I used a free pattern (click to go) that I found.

Five weeks ago my sister-friend had her first baby. He's a sweet little boy. She is now discovering how irritating it can be to find clothes that make feeding said baby easier (especially if out and about). I found the above shirt pattern and modified it to make her a shirt that will hopefully help. I took the front pattern piece and printed two. When putting the second one together I left off the pieces that had to be taped on the right (essentially leaving off about 2-3 inches) and rounded the bottom edge. I also cut the back and front to be the same length (the back length). When I sewed it up I layered the two front pieces so they form a type of wrap/tulip front.

I wish I could say this idea was all my own but I was trying to mimic several nursing shirts I saw when looking up nursing shirts on Pinterest. I do love how it turned out.

I don't have any pictures of her wearing it, just the ones below from before I gave it to her, but it does fit and it does work.

Today

Today on Facebook I posted: Today I find that one of me is not enough to do all that I want. 

There are so many people I love and want to help, and a few of those people have been in more need lately. While I don't always get do what I want (story of life, especially when four kiddos are added to that list), this week it seems even more like I should be able to do it all and I can't. My parents are watching my three youngest and I'm spending my days at school with my oldest (this has been in the works for a while and is finally happening). I'm loving my time with him, and watching him learn is great, and having him not be too embarrassed to hug me or blow me kisses in front of his peers is even more awesome, but knowing I'm down to one child makes it seem like I should be even more available to do things (despite the 6 hours spent at school each day - and can I say that is no joke, I need a nap now more than ever!). 

So to my friends whom I love like family but can't seem to get to your house or make you dinner or help in whatever way you need, know you're on my mind and in my heart and I really want to but somehow I cannot make time stretch no matter how hard I try. Maybe next week when I have four children back under my roof I'll find a way to make it work because sometimes I find the normal is actually easier than the not so normal (even if it means more kids). 

*Side note: I'm crazy popular in the 2nd grade. If anyone is looking for a good workout routine try racing a group of 7-8 year olds. I can't promise you'll win but if you spend one recess break trying you will certainly be feeling it the next day (or later that afternoon).

Busy

Life is busy. I've been thinking about posting things and not doing it. Sometimes life has gotten in the way, sometimes I'm too tired, sometimes I don't feel like dealing with trying to write a post on my phone, etc., etc., etc.

So, I don't have much to say or a plan for where this all is going. I'm just getting words out.

Life is busy. I had no idea what it meant to be a "soccer mom." Those women (and men too for the soccer dads) don't get enough credit. I can only imagine what next year will look like with the twins having practice once a week in addition to game time instead of on Saturday's along with game time. One more reason I'm saying no spring soccer. I think I need a break for a year.

I signed up to participate in a craft fair. Very exciting. I don't have enough done and I have 1.5 weeks to get it all done. Currently I'm wondering why I thought this was a good idea. I'm excited, scared, and over it all at the same time. Hopefully, after this week, I'll be able to get some good sewing time in. It may mean that I have to stay up a little later, and I don't mind that, but I'm going to have to find out a way to stay awake. I've been super tired lately.

We have passes to Disneyland. It's awesome. I wish we could go every day. I'm glad we can't go every day. The boys, especially the twins, would love to go every day. We did go Tuesday and it was great. There were very few people (by Disneyland standards) there and we were able to do things we haven't done yet. I took the boys by myself. My mom called me brave. Normally I think I am more crazy than brave, but it was nice to hear. The boys were awesome, we had minimal issues, and everyone got along. It's a happy memory and I'd do it again (though not too soon, those days take a lot of energy out of me).

Today we went to the San Diego Wild Animal Park. Somehow it was more stressful than Disneyland (maybe because I didn't know my way around and my feral children like to run wild). It was still a great day because we got to hang out with good friends and the boys did so well (we had 6 boys between us two moms). Yay for good times and cute pictures (I hope, better check those out).

Life is busy. I miss those days of spending time together with my boys when they were all smaller. I know they are growing quickly and, while I do miss them when they're at school, I really do like this stage of life. It would be nice if we had less to do but it certainly could be worse. I think I'll take a deep breath, look at some old pictures of how cute and small the older three were, be glad they don't wear diapers anymore, and enjoy this time. A time where I can carry on fun conversations with all of my boys (even W sort of), where the world is still full of wonder regardless of where we are, and they aren't quite grown up yet so they still need an want me.

Struggle

There are so many struggles in life, and right now I feel more aware of them. I'm hoping that as I struggle I'll grow. I'm hoping that in these struggles I can be more than I feel I can. I'm hoping that light will shine out of what often times seems so dark to me. Some days the struggles don't seem as bad - the kids listen, the house looks decent, laundry isn't a mountain, old clothes fit that haven't fit for the last 7ish years (read pre-H). Small little victories to make things seem doable. Other days the struggle seems more than I think I can handle - constant fighting of stubborn (or strong-willed) boys (like their Mama...and Daddy...and Grandpa....and this list could get really long), miscommunications with Husband, hectic schedules, lack of sleep, etc.

Here are a few of today's happy moments, the light in the struggle.

J had me laughing. I can't remember what he did, but it just wouldn't work right. He was a comedy of errors, and he didn't know they were errors, but it so easily could have frustrated me and it didn't. It was wonderful to be able to look at him being him and smile; to not feel irritated or rushed - to appreciate what an amazing person he is. I really wish I could remember what happened.

G was a little ray of sunshine also. They got two mini scones each. He saved one for his Aunt Becca. Then he halved it for her (and ate one of the halves). He shared a bit of Aunt Becca's half with his baby brother, and when I suggested he shared more he continued to say the bit that was left was Aunt Becca's. (I did convince him to eat it and share with his brother, which may seem terrible but Aunt Becca thanked me for not having to eat something his hands were all over. She loves my boys but we all have our lines about what we will and won't eat/drink when it comes to sharing with kids. I don't know where his hands had been so I totally understand). He wanted to make her special (and he used those exact words) by giving her a gift.

W, who hasn't yet turned 2 (only a week to go) saw a mess on the floor where his brother had spilled yogurt and asked for a napkin to clean it up. I gave it to him and  he cleaned the floor. It was not a small mess, but my baby cleaned it up for his brother.

H, who has complained of a tummy ache all day today, smiled at me because I brought medicine to his school to make him feel better. It was the best smile ever. One that told me he loved me and he knew I thought he was special because I drove all the way to his school.

Each of these boys is one of my struggles. I love them, and I know they make me a better person because they challenge me. Sometimes it's hard to look past the challenge - not that I forget who they are and that I love them, but to remember that there is more to each of them than how I'm feeling about their behavior or attitudes or messes right at that moment. I'm glad that today I can say I tried (and I think succeeded) in seeing each of them.

My Grandma

She was amazing. She doted on me. She made me believe I could do anything. She was feisty. She was stubborn. She was loved!

This morning I found out she passed away. She had Alzheimer's and Parkinson's but it was still unexpected. I am so thankful I was able to spend time with her a week ago. I'm thankful my boys got to see her and hug her and kiss her. I'm thankful that we were able to celebrate her 91st birthday. That last weekend was more of a gift for us than it was for her. I'm now thankful that she is no longer in pain and that I will one day see her again.

Today has been surreal. The fullness of the information still hasn't completely set in. I know that over the next few days it will. There have been tears today and I know more will follow. I know that telling our children will be difficult and I'm thankful for a husband who will be with me to help.

I feel to many emotions to truly put it into words. She was my grandma and I adored her. She will be missed.

The person I want to be

The person I want to be is not the person I am. I was much closer to being that person 6 years ago in some ways, and in other ways I'm closer now. Daily I find myself doing things that I want to stop, though in the moment it doesn't always seem possible. Right now, in this quiet moment of the morning, all of it seems possible. Everything seems obtainable. I know it will mean hard work. I know it will me refocusing myself multiple times a day, possibly even multiple times an hour, but I want to do it. I want to make that effort. I want to be the best me I can be. I want my children to have the best mom they can. So, today, in this moment,  I will decide do my best and see the bright side, to not yell,  be an encourager, and to set the example. And, now, to begin with breakfast and getting ready for school.

Creative

I managed to get creative yesterday.

I have several projects that I need to complete (sewing coats for the twins, aprons for gifts, the list goes on), but I wanted something fun. I haven't done any scrapbooking or card making since about November. Last week I worked on one idea and pulled some different papers, embellishments, stamps, etc. out. Then, yesterday, I sat down and created. It felt nice. Maybe I'll do that again this week, maybe not. Either way, I'm glad I did some creating yesterday.