There are so many struggles in life, and right now I feel more aware of them. I'm hoping that as I struggle I'll grow. I'm hoping that in these struggles I can be more than I feel I can. I'm hoping that light will shine out of what often times seems so dark to me. Some days the struggles don't seem as bad - the kids listen, the house looks decent, laundry isn't a mountain, old clothes fit that haven't fit for the last 7ish years (read pre-H). Small little victories to make things seem doable. Other days the struggle seems more than I think I can handle - constant fighting of stubborn (or strong-willed) boys (like their Mama...and Daddy...and Grandpa....and this list could get really long), miscommunications with Husband, hectic schedules, lack of sleep, etc.
Here are a few of today's happy moments, the light in the struggle.
J had me laughing. I can't remember what he did, but it just wouldn't work right. He was a comedy of errors, and he didn't know they were errors, but it so easily could have frustrated me and it didn't. It was wonderful to be able to look at him being him and smile; to not feel irritated or rushed - to appreciate what an amazing person he is. I really wish I could remember what happened.
G was a little ray of sunshine also. They got two mini scones each. He saved one for his Aunt Becca. Then he halved it for her (and ate one of the halves). He shared a bit of Aunt Becca's half with his baby brother, and when I suggested he shared more he continued to say the bit that was left was Aunt Becca's. (I did convince him to eat it and share with his brother, which may seem terrible but Aunt Becca thanked me for not having to eat something his hands were all over. She loves my boys but we all have our lines about what we will and won't eat/drink when it comes to sharing with kids. I don't know where his hands had been so I totally understand). He wanted to make her special (and he used those exact words) by giving her a gift.
W, who hasn't yet turned 2 (only a week to go) saw a mess on the floor where his brother had spilled yogurt and asked for a napkin to clean it up. I gave it to him and he cleaned the floor. It was not a small mess, but my baby cleaned it up for his brother.
H, who has complained of a tummy ache all day today, smiled at me because I brought medicine to his school to make him feel better. It was the best smile ever. One that told me he loved me and he knew I thought he was special because I drove all the way to his school.
Each of these boys is one of my struggles. I love them, and I know they make me a better person because they challenge me. Sometimes it's hard to look past the challenge - not that I forget who they are and that I love them, but to remember that there is more to each of them than how I'm feeling about their behavior or attitudes or messes right at that moment. I'm glad that today I can say I tried (and I think succeeded) in seeing each of them.