Figuring it out

This is our second week of school. We are figuring out our new schedule. Some of it is easy, and some of it not so much. Still, I feel like we're doing okay. At this moment I'm sitting in my car waiting for the right time to get out and get my boys. W is asleep and I'm enjoying my quiet moment. This year our schedule isn't allowing me the "me time" I've had in the past, and I'm trying to keep my eyes open for little moments I can claim. So far, this time seems to be one of them. I'm working on figuring it out. I think today might also be the day we figure out what doing homework with three looks like (I'm a little intimidated by this one).

I may need to keep a book in the car and take these little 15 min snippets of each Monday through Friday and read (it's been so long since I've done that). Here's hoping the naps last the year. I'm not ready to give those up quite yet.

Kindergarten and 3rd Grade

We did it. We survived the first day of school (and I don't think a single tear was shed - I give W the credit for that as he did a fabulous job of keeping our focus slightly off of everything going on).

G and J had a great first day. They both came running out of the pickup gate telling me they didn't learn Spanish and they didn't get in trouble. It made me smile to see them so excited for their day (and ready to return today). G told me about playing with play doh, playing on the playground, making a new friend, and wanting to learn Spanish. J told me about watching a small bit of Finding Nemo (in Spanish), playing on the playground, only playing with G, and wanting to learn Spanish. It was so fun to video each of them separately and see what stood out most about the day they shared.

H also had a good day and I think is most excited about all the computer games/learning that he will participate in this year. He was much more low key in his talk of the day, but I think he's happy to be back to school.

Now, it's time for me to focus on getting our schedule figured out at home and how best to make our day work for us.

Kindergarten

Somehow it is time for my twins to enter kindergarten. I am excited for them, as they have been waiting for this day for a year now (this past year was full of anticipation for today - the first day of school). I am, also, terrified and overwhelmed and not ready. How on earth do I leave them at school? How do I walk away and come back almost 4 hours later?

I know I've done it before, but H was different. Yes, he is the first born, and there were moments I thought I might shed a tear, but he was in his element. He was ready. School hasn't been easy - he has some real struggles with certain aspects - but he LOVES people and helping and playing with friends. The twins are different, both from H and from each other, and while with H I felt we were doing the right thing I suddenly find myself compelled to homeschool and not to let them go. I won't (at least not yet). We will wake up (way to soon), have breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, finish packing lunches and backpacks, take some pictures and be on our way. They will be together in the same classroom, a rock for one another. They will find their niches and cliques and play with new people while keeping tabs on one another. It may take a week or two but I'm sure they will thrive. Still, I had no idea this first day of school thing would get more difficult. I was sure it would be easier with each child. In a few short hours I guess we'll find out if I was right or wrong. At this moment I'm pretty sure my original thinking was wrong and I'm fairly certain I might be that mom sobbing as she watches her children walk through the doors (perhaps I'll be able to make it to the car).

Sewing

I made a quick shirt this weekend and am very excited to see my sister-friend try it on. I used a free pattern (click to go) that I found.

Five weeks ago my sister-friend had her first baby. He's a sweet little boy. She is now discovering how irritating it can be to find clothes that make feeding said baby easier (especially if out and about). I found the above shirt pattern and modified it to make her a shirt that will hopefully help. I took the front pattern piece and printed two. When putting the second one together I left off the pieces that had to be taped on the right (essentially leaving off about 2-3 inches) and rounded the bottom edge. I also cut the back and front to be the same length (the back length). When I sewed it up I layered the two front pieces so they form a type of wrap/tulip front.

I wish I could say this idea was all my own but I was trying to mimic several nursing shirts I saw when looking up nursing shirts on Pinterest. I do love how it turned out.

I don't have any pictures of her wearing it, just the ones below from before I gave it to her, but it does fit and it does work.

Today

Today on Facebook I posted: Today I find that one of me is not enough to do all that I want. 

There are so many people I love and want to help, and a few of those people have been in more need lately. While I don't always get do what I want (story of life, especially when four kiddos are added to that list), this week it seems even more like I should be able to do it all and I can't. My parents are watching my three youngest and I'm spending my days at school with my oldest (this has been in the works for a while and is finally happening). I'm loving my time with him, and watching him learn is great, and having him not be too embarrassed to hug me or blow me kisses in front of his peers is even more awesome, but knowing I'm down to one child makes it seem like I should be even more available to do things (despite the 6 hours spent at school each day - and can I say that is no joke, I need a nap now more than ever!). 

So to my friends whom I love like family but can't seem to get to your house or make you dinner or help in whatever way you need, know you're on my mind and in my heart and I really want to but somehow I cannot make time stretch no matter how hard I try. Maybe next week when I have four children back under my roof I'll find a way to make it work because sometimes I find the normal is actually easier than the not so normal (even if it means more kids). 

*Side note: I'm crazy popular in the 2nd grade. If anyone is looking for a good workout routine try racing a group of 7-8 year olds. I can't promise you'll win but if you spend one recess break trying you will certainly be feeling it the next day (or later that afternoon).

Busy

Life is busy. I've been thinking about posting things and not doing it. Sometimes life has gotten in the way, sometimes I'm too tired, sometimes I don't feel like dealing with trying to write a post on my phone, etc., etc., etc.

So, I don't have much to say or a plan for where this all is going. I'm just getting words out.

Life is busy. I had no idea what it meant to be a "soccer mom." Those women (and men too for the soccer dads) don't get enough credit. I can only imagine what next year will look like with the twins having practice once a week in addition to game time instead of on Saturday's along with game time. One more reason I'm saying no spring soccer. I think I need a break for a year.

I signed up to participate in a craft fair. Very exciting. I don't have enough done and I have 1.5 weeks to get it all done. Currently I'm wondering why I thought this was a good idea. I'm excited, scared, and over it all at the same time. Hopefully, after this week, I'll be able to get some good sewing time in. It may mean that I have to stay up a little later, and I don't mind that, but I'm going to have to find out a way to stay awake. I've been super tired lately.

We have passes to Disneyland. It's awesome. I wish we could go every day. I'm glad we can't go every day. The boys, especially the twins, would love to go every day. We did go Tuesday and it was great. There were very few people (by Disneyland standards) there and we were able to do things we haven't done yet. I took the boys by myself. My mom called me brave. Normally I think I am more crazy than brave, but it was nice to hear. The boys were awesome, we had minimal issues, and everyone got along. It's a happy memory and I'd do it again (though not too soon, those days take a lot of energy out of me).

Today we went to the San Diego Wild Animal Park. Somehow it was more stressful than Disneyland (maybe because I didn't know my way around and my feral children like to run wild). It was still a great day because we got to hang out with good friends and the boys did so well (we had 6 boys between us two moms). Yay for good times and cute pictures (I hope, better check those out).

Life is busy. I miss those days of spending time together with my boys when they were all smaller. I know they are growing quickly and, while I do miss them when they're at school, I really do like this stage of life. It would be nice if we had less to do but it certainly could be worse. I think I'll take a deep breath, look at some old pictures of how cute and small the older three were, be glad they don't wear diapers anymore, and enjoy this time. A time where I can carry on fun conversations with all of my boys (even W sort of), where the world is still full of wonder regardless of where we are, and they aren't quite grown up yet so they still need an want me.

Struggle

There are so many struggles in life, and right now I feel more aware of them. I'm hoping that as I struggle I'll grow. I'm hoping that in these struggles I can be more than I feel I can. I'm hoping that light will shine out of what often times seems so dark to me. Some days the struggles don't seem as bad - the kids listen, the house looks decent, laundry isn't a mountain, old clothes fit that haven't fit for the last 7ish years (read pre-H). Small little victories to make things seem doable. Other days the struggle seems more than I think I can handle - constant fighting of stubborn (or strong-willed) boys (like their Mama...and Daddy...and Grandpa....and this list could get really long), miscommunications with Husband, hectic schedules, lack of sleep, etc.

Here are a few of today's happy moments, the light in the struggle.

J had me laughing. I can't remember what he did, but it just wouldn't work right. He was a comedy of errors, and he didn't know they were errors, but it so easily could have frustrated me and it didn't. It was wonderful to be able to look at him being him and smile; to not feel irritated or rushed - to appreciate what an amazing person he is. I really wish I could remember what happened.

G was a little ray of sunshine also. They got two mini scones each. He saved one for his Aunt Becca. Then he halved it for her (and ate one of the halves). He shared a bit of Aunt Becca's half with his baby brother, and when I suggested he shared more he continued to say the bit that was left was Aunt Becca's. (I did convince him to eat it and share with his brother, which may seem terrible but Aunt Becca thanked me for not having to eat something his hands were all over. She loves my boys but we all have our lines about what we will and won't eat/drink when it comes to sharing with kids. I don't know where his hands had been so I totally understand). He wanted to make her special (and he used those exact words) by giving her a gift.

W, who hasn't yet turned 2 (only a week to go) saw a mess on the floor where his brother had spilled yogurt and asked for a napkin to clean it up. I gave it to him and  he cleaned the floor. It was not a small mess, but my baby cleaned it up for his brother.

H, who has complained of a tummy ache all day today, smiled at me because I brought medicine to his school to make him feel better. It was the best smile ever. One that told me he loved me and he knew I thought he was special because I drove all the way to his school.

Each of these boys is one of my struggles. I love them, and I know they make me a better person because they challenge me. Sometimes it's hard to look past the challenge - not that I forget who they are and that I love them, but to remember that there is more to each of them than how I'm feeling about their behavior or attitudes or messes right at that moment. I'm glad that today I can say I tried (and I think succeeded) in seeing each of them.

My Grandma

She was amazing. She doted on me. She made me believe I could do anything. She was feisty. She was stubborn. She was loved!

This morning I found out she passed away. She had Alzheimer's and Parkinson's but it was still unexpected. I am so thankful I was able to spend time with her a week ago. I'm thankful my boys got to see her and hug her and kiss her. I'm thankful that we were able to celebrate her 91st birthday. That last weekend was more of a gift for us than it was for her. I'm now thankful that she is no longer in pain and that I will one day see her again.

Today has been surreal. The fullness of the information still hasn't completely set in. I know that over the next few days it will. There have been tears today and I know more will follow. I know that telling our children will be difficult and I'm thankful for a husband who will be with me to help.

I feel to many emotions to truly put it into words. She was my grandma and I adored her. She will be missed.

The person I want to be

The person I want to be is not the person I am. I was much closer to being that person 6 years ago in some ways, and in other ways I'm closer now. Daily I find myself doing things that I want to stop, though in the moment it doesn't always seem possible. Right now, in this quiet moment of the morning, all of it seems possible. Everything seems obtainable. I know it will mean hard work. I know it will me refocusing myself multiple times a day, possibly even multiple times an hour, but I want to do it. I want to make that effort. I want to be the best me I can be. I want my children to have the best mom they can. So, today, in this moment,  I will decide do my best and see the bright side, to not yell,  be an encourager, and to set the example. And, now, to begin with breakfast and getting ready for school.

Creative

I managed to get creative yesterday.

I have several projects that I need to complete (sewing coats for the twins, aprons for gifts, the list goes on), but I wanted something fun. I haven't done any scrapbooking or card making since about November. Last week I worked on one idea and pulled some different papers, embellishments, stamps, etc. out. Then, yesterday, I sat down and created. It felt nice. Maybe I'll do that again this week, maybe not. Either way, I'm glad I did some creating yesterday.

18 months

W was 18 months old yesterday. I don't know where the time has gone. He is growing so fast. He's tall (probably not for his age but he just looks so big). He talks a lot. He loves his brothers SO much. He loves his daddy and gets so excited when he comes home from work. He has quite the personality and brings joy to all of our lives.

His check up isn't until next week so I don't have any cool stats about his height or weight at the moment. I can tell you he says: sock and shoes, flashlight, applesauce, each of his brother's names (in his own way), Mama, Daddy, Grandma, Papa, eat, cup, up, please, thank you, your welcome, no (very emphatically - he practices but never uses it with us), uh-huh, uh-uh, ball, Becca, Paula, and I know there are more I'm forgetting. He can woof and howl like a dog and quack like a duck. He walks, runs, climbs (up and down), and tries to spin around in circles. He tries to jump but his feet don't quite make it off the ground yet. He eats most anything and nothing all at the same time. He'd be content to drink milk all day but I do my best to sneak a smoothie in there for nutrition purposes. He loves chocolate and has recently discovered Dum dums (thanks to the Drs office). He loves to be held and cuddled and tickled and does his best to wrestle and keep up with the big boys. He throws fits more than any of my other children and is willing to scream to make himself known if he feels he needs to. Daily I learn more about his personality and I am so excited to continue to do so. Part of me wants to keep him small, to hold on to the pudgy hands and desire to cuddle and be held, but I am also ready to see who he will become and to do my best to guide him as he grows.

Finished

I finally finished H's coat. I started it over Chrismas break and mostly finished it. All I had left to do was add cuffs (the sleeves were a smidge short) and buttons/button holes. I put it off for no real reason but I am glad to say it is done and he loves it. He calls it his cool jacket and has worn it to school every day since I finished it (made funnier by our 80° temps each day, at least it starts out cool).

Before it was finished

All done (and his pose idea)

Lining and details

Now to force myself to sew up the twins who ask me daily if theirs are done. At least I'm on my way - they're both cut out.

January

It's January and I have yet to write any posts like I thought I would. This month has flown by. I can't say I've been overly productive but I'm hoping to complete some larger projects soon (like coats for each of the boys).

Here's a little update on each of us.

Husband is awesome and loving his job. He's busy but enjoying some changes that are new this year.

I'm doing better about cleaning and hoping to be done with all the allergy/sinus whatever that seems to be a constant every January.

H is doing well in school. This past week he brought home his best progress report yet. He loves legos and is a big help. We're working on starting chores with him. He likes school still and has been speaking Spanish better.

G and J are growing so quickly; they turned 4 in December.  They are attending preschool for a few hours one day a week. They enjoy having friends over and playing with others. G is working really hard on writing his name. It is awesome. He always leaves out the o and always writes certain letters as capitals. J is enjoying art more and his drawings amaze me. At preschool this past week he drew houses, a ladder, and hearts. They are very active boys.

W is SO big. At his 15 month check up he weighed 20 lbs. He walks, runs, and climbs. He is trying to talk and now says: Mama, Addy (daddy), Papa, apple, banana, please, socks and shoes, and cracker. Today he said chip. He tries to say thank you sometimes and I've heard him say what sounds like I love you after I've said it. He likes to wrestle and love on his brothers. He's still very much a Mama's boy.

I think that's about all. Life is keeping us busy.

Lawn fawn 2

Here's the second card I created today. Not quite what I envisioned, but close.

Welcome baby - I used the Critters Down Under set for everything and Mr. Sketch fine markers to color it in. The washi tape is from Freckled Fawn and the mat for the sentiment is a scrap. I embossed both eggs with gold embossing powder and used a Zig Embossing marker to fill them in. One of the eggs us popped up on a pop dot.

Lawn Fawn 1

I had a few minutes this afternoon and put together couple of cards I had in my head. The first turned out pretty much like I planned. The second did not.

Sending hugs - I used the Critters Down Under set and the sending hugs sentient (not sure of the set, it was an extra I was sent). I colored it all with Mr. Sketch fine markers. The koala is popped up with some pop dots.

Perspective 2

It hasn't been the most amazing day, but that sentiment really comes from the last few hours of the afternoon/evening. H did amazing at school and then came home and decided listening and doing homework didn't make the best use of his talents. The twins were running around and making tons of noise which didn't make homework easier. W was hungry - the easiest problem to solve. Husband was going to run...except he didn't leave right away and he didn't wrangle other kids while I tried to help with homework. Then I spilled water all over the table and homework and mail because G wouldn't listen. Lots of frustration. Things did calm down a little and we had dinner and homework was finished and Husband ran and children bathed and W went to bed and the boys and I played Sorry for 15 minutes before they went to bed. Everyone went to bed well, except G.

As G turned to go to bed I noticed a lump on his neck. it is huge! I freaked. Visions of cancer and my poor little baby who is only days from being four jumped into my head. I took pictures and sent them to my mom and sister.

We went to urgent care and found out it isn't the serious I imagined. His lymph node is infected and we started antibiotics. Big sigh of relief.

Part of my freaking out had to do with it having been a busy day. I don't know how long he's looked like this. I like to think I'd have noticed, but who knows. I was frustrated and yelling and really just hadn't paid him enough attention today. All my boys fall, trip, smack, jump, etc. into things and eachother and I had no clue if this was something I'd missed earlier when he had come to me for some reason or another. I felt responsible if it were something terrible because I should have known or noticed. I realize this is not the most rational thinking. That happens when children take over, rationality goes straight out the window.

Onto perspective: my attitude today, especially this afternoon, really affected how I reacted tonight, and especially how I felt about and critiqued myself. I am so thankful that it is only an infection. I am so thankful for the health of my children!

Perspective

I've started this post a few times.

I am full of brilliant (in my head) ideas. Some of them work, some of them don't, and some of them are never realized (for various reasons). One such idea was to take a picture of Husband and myself in our wedding clothes for our 10 year anniversary. My dress has hung in my old closet at my parent's house since my wedding day. I've thought about having it preserved but our apartments were small and our house isn't much bigger. I was content to leave it there and they didn't mind.

This past Wednesday I went to pick it up and it was gone. My parents didn't get rid of it, and the reason it's missing isn't important. Wednesday my mom and I found several things missing from their house. It was frustrating. We were angry - then I found myself repeating in my head, it's just stuff. Some it might have been my stuff I was saving, but it's just stuff. Some of it can be replaced and some of it can't, but it's just stuff. It's all about perspective. I can't say I'm not upset or angry (though the anger is subsiding). I can't claim to be in a state of "zen" about the whole situation. I can be thankful for what I did find and thankful for the memories.

I did find my quilt that my grandma made me. I did find a couple of photo albums from my childhood that were trashed but the pictures were fine. I found a few things from my childhood and for that I am grateful. When we drove back to my grandma's, my mom commented about how there are some people who lose everything due to fire or flood. Discussing things with Husband the same sentiment came up. Yes, our situation is different, but we are blessed to have what we do left. It's all about perspective. At this moment, I'm going to try and keep my perspective open and focused on what really matters. I'm going to try and focus on the positive and fight the negative that wants to stay angry. I'm going to happy to have the memories and know that, even without the physical reminders, I know I am loved and have been loved.

And, because I still believe my idea is brilliant, maybe I'll find a new dress to get those pictures taken in.

32

Three days ago I turned 32. It was a great day that wasn't overly focused on me. I had a great day hanging out with my boys, Husband, and my sister-friend. The twins and W played in the wet and mud left over from the rain and I ran around barefooted taking pictures and enjoying watching them play. I sat with the twins as they drank warm apple cider from my tea cups (something they love that makes them feel grown up). We cuddled and watched TV. We had pizza for dinner. They went to bed and my sister-friend and I chatted and hung out. Husband got home and we went for an ice cream run. So low key, but absolutely wonderful as I spent the day with my favorite people. Then the next day my sister-friend and I went and saw 12th Night performed at the local university. It was fun (though maybe I should pick a play that needs less focus the next time I decide to jump back into the world of adults).

So, here I am at 32. I thought I'd do a thankful for 32 things post.
1. Husband
2. H
3. G
4. J
5. W
6. Family that isn't by blood
7. Family that is
8. Our house - it's small, old, and needs lots of repair but it is a shelter and I like it
9. Being able to stay at home with my boys
10. Piles of laundry - maybe not having to wash them but the blessing of having them
11. Food - even when it feels like there's nothing to eat I know we still have so much
12. Our backyard - it's big and perfect for four active boys

H, G, J, and W

13. My parents
14. Great in-laws
15. My grandmas - they are amazing and I love the memories I have with them
16. My grandpas - they aren't alive anymore but things happen almost daily that make me think of them
17. Traditions - both new and old
18. Our church - community, teaching, and the list goes on
19. Creative outlets - I only wish I had more time to do them
20. Letting go - minimizing and remembering things aren't the most important
21. Hearing the twins carry on conversations
22. H helping without being asked
23. The dual immersion program and school where we send H (and eventually all our kids)

24. Disposable diapers (you can laugh - W eats solids and I'm glad I can throw that mess away)
25. My bike - I haven't ridden it lately but I like riding it and it's so pretty
26. Fireworks - I like them and I love the feeling of wonder and awe that they evoke that goes way back to childhood

27. The dishwasher - I don't mind washing dishes but boy does it make life easier
28. Our SUV - I didn't want to be a van mom
29. Cuddles from my boys
30. Projects with/for my boys - they aren't always (usually) cheaper but somehow the boys and I always like them more
31. Phone conversations with my big sister
32. Kisses and hugs from my boys

November Blog Your Heart

I feel like I'm standing on the edge and what I do next will determine how so many things go in so many areas of life right now.

I'm so close to my goal of pre-H weight (6+ years in the making here). I have further to go than that but what a huge milestone. I need to be better about snacking and exercising (major downfall). Of course, Thanksgiving and Christmas are here which doesn't help but I'm trying to not get caught up in baking and sweets constantly. I really want and crave the sweets right now though, especially chocolate.

I'm trying to focus more on the positive with the boys. Sometimes it's not easy. They're good boys and I need to encourage that more through positive praise.

W is SO big. I can't believe he's 14 months. He is also super clingy, more so than my others. It seems impossible but it's true and sometimes I don't know what to do beyond let him fuss and follow me around. I hate it but I can't get anything done if I don't.

The twins are going to be 4 in less the two weeks. They have grown so much from those little six-pound babies we brought home. I LOVE seeing them develop and the differences in their personalities. So much fun!

H is craving attention and I need to be better about giving him some focused time beyond homework. I am glad he is benefiting from the after school program but I'm still torn on him being in it. He just doesn't get enough play time. It is the hardest part of our schedule (although it does make pick up so much easier).

I'm happier and I think that's the effort to be content. I also think it's me being more focused on the positive. Either way I like it. I'm liking me at this moment - not perfect but more happy/motivated/etc.

**I'm linking up with Stephanie Howell for Blog Your Heart.**

Contentment

November is a full month for our family...so is December. Really, it all starts in August and then continues to build until it is two months so full of birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Still, these two months are two of my favorite months of the year.

There has been so much focus on thankfulness during November, and that is good, but my real focus lately has been contentment. I can't say I'm always content. I have four boys. I'm content in that. I have four rowdy, messy, clingy, wonderful boys - a few of those traits (and some others not mentioned) certainly leave me less content sometimes. We have a house. There are times when I'm more aware of how small it is, and it gets cluttered easily, and I'm not always (usually) great at keeping it clean, and those sometimes chip away at my willingness to be content, but I'm working on it.

This past year was especially difficult. There were some big schedule changes with H starting first grade, and then joining the after school program. There have been several (the first day of school included) days where H has brought home reports of less than exemplary behavior (don't take this to mean I think he should be perfect, I'm well aware he's a 6-year-old boy). We are struggling with the same issues at home...times three because if H is doing it you better believe G and J are going to follow suit. W is the sweetest cuddler, and he wants to do that always. Forget cleaning or eating or cuddling other children, he has turned into a rather opinionated and stubborn toddler who doesn't like to share his mama. More things to work on, more things that make life a little more difficult. Lots of whining and needing help. Lots of toys to pick up and dishes to do. Lots and lots of repetitive things that make it feel as if NOTHING is ever getting done.

I can honestly say there were several months where I was just worn. Kids are hard. Being a stay at home mom is hard. Keeping house is hard. Not getting enough sleep is hard. I didn't have a very content attitude...or even a good attitude.

This past week Husband and I went on a little anniversary getaway to celebrate 10 years. A few weeks before this getaway I had gone to my parents for a quick weekend trip with all the boys but without him. When I got home he asked me this question, "Do I make you happy?" What kind of question is that? In my mind it causes panic, what have I done, what do I need to do, etc. The answer was, of course, yes (don't get me wrong, he drives me crazy sometimes, but he makes me happy regardless). It was a eye opener. My attitude has been so wrong lately that he didn't see me smile much, and I wasn't acting happy. On our little getaway he asked me question #2, "Do you like what you do?" Do I like being a stay at home mom? He wasn't asking to be unkind, and I'm so glad he asked. We had some good talking that getaway while we drove the various places he had planned. He was sweet enough to say he'd never say I have a bad attitude...I would. I love being a stay at home mom. I love getting to be with my boys, but it isn't easy. There are so many times where I don't get enough sleep (both because of me or my children), so many times where everything doesn't work out like I want or it feels like a never ending cycle of dishes, laundry, and homework. But when I really think about each day, when I really look at what I'm doing, when I really take the time to see how my children are behaving, I know so much of it boils down to my attitude. Add to these questions some things that have been discussed in MOPS, and some extra time just for me and Husband because of preschool one day a week and a date night one night a week, and then some times where Husband has given me a break just for me and the sky is looking a little bluer because I'm paying attention. A few nights ago I failed, I was sick (litereally) and tired and just needed to sleep. Husband didn't criticize, and he accepted my appology when I gave it, and he even listened when I told him how wonderful our children had been (though they were struggling with bed time routine when he got home). He helped get them to bed and then I took some medicine and went to sleep myself.

Now my goal is to tell him how wonderful the kids have done throughout the day - to brag on what awesome little boys they are. So, I'm learning and striving towards contentment. Thankfulness is awesome, and I do my best to help my boys be thankful and realize how blessed we are, but for me I'm going to take this month (and next month and so on) to focus more on contentment. Maybe I'll get it more right sooner rather than later. It doesn't matter as long as I am doing better more often than not.