Saturday, August 25, 2012

Getting Antsy

I have three weeks left with the large belly (well, with this large, baby-filled belly). It's exciting and daunting all at once. I'm tired (story of a life with young children, I know), but I feel ready in many ways. I'm ready to hold him and stare at him. I'm ready to cuddle him and smell the new baby smell. I'm ready to dress him in little onesies, and to have his brothers entirely smitten as well. I'm ready to teach them and show them how to be kind and gentle with a new little person. I'm ready to love this little one on the outside and let others love him as well.

At the same time, there are still things I need to do to get ready. The clothes are clean and out. We have diapers (in many sizes except the ones we need to begin with). I have a bassinet, but it needs to come out of the garage, be cleaned, and put in our room. That means our room needs to be cleaned. The boys room needs to be cleaned, and possibly rearranged. I have to clear out the changing table (it's secretary desk style) and fill it with things that are useful for changing diapers and taking care of a newborn. I had dreams of building a new bunk bed with three beds, but I don't think Husband is up for that challenge right now and I know I'm not. Still, it would make the room better for when I do eventually get out the crib. The bottles are clean and ready to go, but we need to buy nipples. That will all wait until we see how things go with this little one and the ways of nature. I really do feel like what I need to do isn't that big a deal. Yes, I want a clean house (which I'm neglecting). I want a to go through and get rid of things and minimize our stuff so there is more room for this little one. At the same time, I don't feel motivated to get things done, and I don't feel like it's a big deal. He'll fit in. We'll love him. Life will go on as it always does.

I'm nervous. Any time I've brought a baby home I haven't had to worry about the schedule of others. Husband has work, but that's it. Now, Husband has work and H has school. I don't want him to be late or miss school, and I'm not certain how that will work out the first few months. I know we pretty much have the first 3 weeks covered, but it is hard to let other people take care of it and be out of control with those things. My goal was for him to have perfect attendance this year. It's still my goal, but suddenly the outcome lies in other people's hands. The twins were an interesting adjustment, but we managed. Getting a schedule down with everyone didn't seem that difficult. I don't know how this little one will be with the schedule. I'm going to have to work harder to fit him into our schedule. Life can't stop because he arrives, though I'm sure there are parts of me that wish it could. Parts of me that wish I could focus on him like I did H, or even G and J who got a lot of attention because there were two.

So many things to do, so many thoughts running through my head. It is going to be busy, busy, busy. And, yet, here I am thinking I'm ready. Ready to embark on another adventure by adding another boy to our lives. Ready to bring him home and add chaos to chaos. Ready to have our family together in a way that everyone can experience. Thank goodness we have good friends and family who are here to help. I'm so glad my mom is coming down to take care of me for a week and my sister-friend will taking a few days off while I'm in the hospital to give her a hand. I'm grateful for a husband who loves me and does all he can for our family, who is willing to take time off and help out when the time comes.

Now, to get up and get things done; to really prepare for what we are doing now and what will be coming so very soon. Time to tackle laundry and dishes, the kitchen and living room, and getting all those little things into place before #4 arrives.

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