Saturday, December 17, 2011

Blog your heart

I'm struggling. My Grandma H. is in the hospital (she's doing better) and I am helping out family. I struggle daily with my boys. They're all very stubborn in their own ways, but usually they cooperate. The past several days that has not been true. I've been staying at my Grandma W.'s house and it is not very child friendly. There are cups with pens, scissors, emery boards, pins/needles, nail clippers, etc. around the house. There are lots of pretties that shouldn't be touched. Everything is on their level and most of it is not for their hands. H has been especially difficult the last several days. He's been defiant, disrespectful, and doesn't listen; and I'm struggling. It already seems that nothing I do works with him (he's 4 and there are days where I feel I'm already want to give up, how am I going to make it through the teens?). I can say that here the everything I already do is used up faster and the extra that I find to do to make him listen still doesn't seem to help (if that makes sense). He has no fear. He's not afraid, or respectful, of me. He doesn't listen to anyone (grandparents included), and I here I sit on the verge of tears. I don't know how I went from a child who listens and people compliment me on how polite he is to a child who is rude and doesn't do as he's told. I know he's 4, and I know he's a boy, and I know he's at an age where he's trying to be independent, and I know he just wants to do what he wants to do, but I don't feel like I can handle it. That frustration and despair is made worse because we aren't at home and it requires me to be even more firm on things that might not otherwise matter. I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. I feel like a terrible mother. I'm frustrated and angry. I just want a break, but there isn't one to be had. I'll be here for several more days, and while I know my mama will be here tomorrow, and my husband will get here Wednesday, that still leaves a lot of days in between before I can just have a moment for me. There are projects I planned on getting done that remain unpacked and unfinshed/unstarted. There are places I'd like to go or things I want to do, but it isn't conducive to helping my daddy. I just have to hold out a few more days. Here's hoping that, when the time comes and we go home, it will all be better in the future. Here's hoping I can make a few more days. Here's hoping this struggle makes me stronger and doesn't kill me.

1 comment:

  1. Our boys sound very much alike. Mine has days where he is wonderful to be around and other days where I wish I could just drop him off at school and leave him there for a week. A lot of it is his age (he just turned 5 last week). He is finding his independence. Some of it is because I get busy with other things and don't spend as much one on one time with him as I should. He does not adapt well to change or a change of routine. His teacher reassures me that this is all very normal for his age.
    The one thing that has worked for us recently is when he is acting up, we give him the choice of either staying out with us and putting a smile on his face and being nice or going to his room until he can do both of those things. At first he dilly dallyed and didn't really make a choice. So I would gently put him in his room with him protesting the whole way. When we got to his room I told him that he can come out when he has a happy smile and a happy heart. He banged on the walls and yelled. Now when we give him the choice he knows that if he doesn't make up his mind quickly and change his behavior he will be put in his room. Somehow it's been working for us. I think the fact that he is making the choice and getting a bit of independence helps a lot. I know this would be harder to do in someone elses home and we haven't really gotten to that point yet.
    Your words spoke to me because I know exactly how you feel. We are not terrible mothers. The fact that we are trying to come up with solutions to the problem makes us great mothers!
    I know that we don't know each other personally but I just wanted to lend a listening ear and a word of advice from a mother who has been in the exact same place.