Saturday, December 17, 2011
Blog your heart
I'm struggling. My Grandma H. is in the hospital (she's doing better) and I am helping out family. I struggle daily with my boys. They're all very stubborn in their own ways, but usually they cooperate. The past several days that has not been true. I've been staying at my Grandma W.'s house and it is not very child friendly. There are cups with pens, scissors, emery boards, pins/needles, nail clippers, etc. around the house. There are lots of pretties that shouldn't be touched. Everything is on their level and most of it is not for their hands. H has been especially difficult the last several days. He's been defiant, disrespectful, and doesn't listen; and I'm struggling. It already seems that nothing I do works with him (he's 4 and there are days where I feel I'm already want to give up, how am I going to make it through the teens?). I can say that here the everything I already do is used up faster and the extra that I find to do to make him listen still doesn't seem to help (if that makes sense). He has no fear. He's not afraid, or respectful, of me. He doesn't listen to anyone (grandparents included), and I here I sit on the verge of tears. I don't know how I went from a child who listens and people compliment me on how polite he is to a child who is rude and doesn't do as he's told. I know he's 4, and I know he's a boy, and I know he's at an age where he's trying to be independent, and I know he just wants to do what he wants to do, but I don't feel like I can handle it. That frustration and despair is made worse because we aren't at home and it requires me to be even more firm on things that might not otherwise matter. I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. I feel like a terrible mother. I'm frustrated and angry. I just want a break, but there isn't one to be had. I'll be here for several more days, and while I know my mama will be here tomorrow, and my husband will get here Wednesday, that still leaves a lot of days in between before I can just have a moment for me. There are projects I planned on getting done that remain unpacked and unfinshed/unstarted. There are places I'd like to go or things I want to do, but it isn't conducive to helping my daddy. I just have to hold out a few more days. Here's hoping that, when the time comes and we go home, it will all be better in the future. Here's hoping I can make a few more days. Here's hoping this struggle makes me stronger and doesn't kill me.