Today is New Year's Day, and I'm tired. I'm tired and need rest. I'm tired of sick, in both me and my boys. The twins don't feel well and aren't sleeping (which means I'm not sleeping) and I'm on the mend, hopefully. I'm just done with being sick. I know it's nobody's fault, but I want it to go away.
I am upset with myself in terms of cleaning. It's never been one of my strongest suits, I'm good with other's places and spaces but not my own, but I'm irritated that I haven't done better. I want to do better. I want to keep up with the dishes and the laundry and have a house that is ready for people to come over whenever. I want to have a space where we can be with friends without stress and effort prior to the event. I want our home to be inviting (not spotless, just not thrashed).
I'm struggling with my H. He's four. He wants to be independent. He want attention. He want to do what he wants to do (a direct quote). I want to guide him and teach him to be kind. I don't mind the boy, loud, crazy, stick-wielding life. But, I do want him to listen and do what he's told. I want him to know that I'm not just being mean, but I want good things for him. It's a lot for a four-year-old to get. I know that. Still, I'm struggling. He's a strong-willed boy, and I'm a stubborn mom. Being sick and tired doesn't help, and I'm trying to keep that in mind, but sometimes I loose it and I hate that. I don't like him to think I'm always mad or frustrated. I want to encourage him more.