Blog your heart

A couple things on my mind and heart the last week or so.

- Someone my husband knows died recently in a car accident. I'd met the man once before, but didn't really know him beyond that. He had a wife and child (the child is the same age as our oldest). Every time I think about them my heart breaks. I can't imagine life without my husband. Everyday he goes to work, and thankfully everyday he comes home. I know his job comes with risks, and usually I don't give them a second thought, but after this accident (which was not work related) I find my mind wandering to the risks more often. I know he does everything he can to be safe, but I want to grow old with him. I want to be like that couple that died together holding hands after 72 years of marriage.

- Babies. I have three of them. I want more, but I don't know if we should have more. I don't know if now is the right time. We've talked about adopting (even before we had children) and I don't know if we're going to do that either. Husband would prefer to have more soon rather than later, and I understand that, but I don't know what to do. I love my boys, and sometimes I look at them and think they are just the right amount. They are active and full of energy and all of them always seem to want me at the same time (making my lap seem just a little too small). Then there is the part of my heart that looks at them and wants more. I love the idea of a big family. Of course, you throw our family joke of triplets is next in there and I'm not sure how I would hand three at a time. One was easy (he was an easy baby), two was interesting (they're still easy babies for the most part), but three...I realize the odds are very small that we'd end up with triplets, but we weren't expecting twins either. I'd much rather be mentally prepared for three and be amazed at the easy of going back to one.

So there it is, life and death crowding my thoughts when I'm not thinking of the present moment. Thankfully, the present moment takes up a lot of time because with 3-5 kids running around our house on any given day, time moves very quickly.